Words

words are so funny! when i talk, i like to do funny things with words. i pluralize things that should be singular, make superlatives out of everything (even superlatives), and use made-up words as if they were real. one of my favorite made-up words is the word 'stunbucket.' let me share with you the etymology:

stunbucket (pronounced stun-bucket) is a compound word originating from the usage of the word 'stupid' with the word 'bucket.' perhaps this harks back to the historical phrase 'stupid as a bucket,' but i am not certain. as recently as 2001, the word 'stupid' was (quite logically) shortened to 'stun.' the genius of this excellent linguistic innovation is unknown. however, this quickly resulted in compounds such as 'stunface' and 'stunbucket.'

i use the word stunbucket to mean just about anything. some people, when looking for a word just beyond their grasp will say, 'can you hand me the... the... thingy?' i just ask for the stunbucket. stunbucket is also useful when referring to individuals (disclaimer: this does not mean that usage of the word implies any amount of unintelligence). for example, 'hey stunbucket, did you give the stunbucket to stunface at her birthday party?'

unfortunately, this very useful word is unappreciated, unvalued, and unknown. when used around people familiar with the term, stunbucket is accepted, applauded, and encouraged, but in some settings stunbucket can cause confusion.

to help you understand stunbucket, i ask you to watch this excellent video produced by our favorite news network:

there you are. with your newfound knowledge and skills, you will be able to discuss things far beyond your vocabulary by using the words stunbucket and pronk.

you're welcome.

p.s. the congressional discussion of HR 766 has resulted in further linguistic permutations such as, but not limited to, pronkface, pronkbucket, and somehow, stunbucketeer.

BMSF

have you ever stuck your foot in your mouth? i have. both literally and figuratively. actually just the other day i found out that i am capable of sucking on both of my toes simultaneously. it isn't comfortable or tasty.

in an earlier post, i mentioned something called a BMSF. this is a feature that most civilized, socially appropriate people seem to develop on their own. not me. when i was 16, i took part in the eagle project of one Eric Campbell. his project involved building a trail in the Prescott National Forest in Arizona. it was a pretty sweet project, and a lot of fun to be involved in. as we tried to make a flat, smooth path, we met with many obstacles. like icebergs, these rocks and roots only showed a small percentage of their actual size above the soil. rocks that looked like you could just pick them up turned out to be large boulders that took considerable effort to remove. after some time and effort, i commented to those working around me that my back hurt. one of the men standing right next to me said, 'well, if you need it, i know a really good chiropractor.' being the idiot i am, i responded, 'oh, no thanks. i went to a chiropractor as a kid, and it didn't help me at all. i don't trust chiropractors.'

(at this point, insert foot into mouth)

he responded, 'oh, i'm sorry to hear that. i'm a chiropractor.' yeah... way to go jeremy.

my best friend growing up often complained about my apparent lack of a BMSF. i am really good at saying funny things that range from scatological humor to politically incorrect racial and gender jokes (for one of my great gender jokes, see my post on gender equality.) it is pretty immature, and i enjoy it. i guess there is a time for professionalism and a time for being silly, and i like to have those silly times where i can just say what comes to mind.

so how do we avoid the embarrassment of accidentally calling a chiropractor a lier? i guess we all have those times where we regret the words we speak as we are speaking them. sometimes we wish we could reach out and grab those words in midair before they reach the ears of those around us. i don't know the answer. but if we are careful, and make use of a BMSF we can avoid giving offense or receiving embarrassment. just be wise. that's what jacob said.

if you want to share an embarrassing foot-in-the-mouth story, post it below!

anecdotes

i like anecdotes. i also like traffic lights. no matter where they've been. but only when they're green.

today i want to share with you a few short stories from my interactions with other people.

there is this old guy i work with at the temple. old people say the funniest things sometimes. he was telling me about his son in law who is 6'7". Apparently he is considered tall, and people ask him about his height all the time. Rather than responding with the traditional, 'oh i'm six foot seven,' he responds by saying, 'i'm five foot nineteen.' i just thought that was so clever. i could be five foot fifteen you know . . .

this same old man was telling me about his nephew. he is married and has 8 kids, 2 girls and 6 boys. when talking about his family, people often ask how many kids he has. he responds by saying, 'oh i got two and a half dozen.' clever.

the other day i was at headstart where i work with a class of four year olds. after snack time, one of the kids was leaning up on the counter with his feet off the ground balancing his weight in order to reach the faucet (and this is a sink that i can use while on my knees). he was doing such a good job balancing that i asked him if he was a gymnast. he said 'no.' i said 'are you sure?' and he said, 'yes! i'm not a gymnast, i'm a kid!'

in mafikeng south africa, the first city i lived in on my mission, i arranged for my follow-up trainer to be mugged during his first week. we had a meeting with the branch mission leader to discuss the missionary work in the branch, and i told him beforehand what route we would take. i asked him to meet us on the corner and call to us. being the nice missionaries we were, of course we were going to stop and see what he needed.

and so it went. as we pulled around the corner we heard an excited voice say, 'missionaries!' we moved towards him and stopped our bicycles. my companion spoke next, 'hey man, how are you?' 'i'm good, i just recognized you as the missionaries.' 'oh cool, so you know the church?' all of the sudden, he grabbed my companion by the collar and pulled out a knife. 'give me your phone and your money!' 'alright, take whatever you want.' he took everything from my companion, including the phone and his wallet, american drivers license, passport, and missionary nametag. he then told us to ride in the opposite direction. we went away, and circled the block. my companion was freaking out and said we had to call the cops. i was like, 'how? we just lost our phone!' 'well, lets get to the mission leader's house and then we can use his phone to call.' so we started towards the mission leader's house from a different direction.

at this point, we saw a police truck just ahead of us. it was cruising along slowly, going the same direction we were. my companion was like, 'hey! we gotta stop that police officer and report what just happened!' my jaw dropped. this was the worst turn of events. well, i guess it would have been worse if the mission leader had stabbed my comp, but that is the only worse thing i can imagine. so my companion sped off after the police truck. i grudgingly accompanied him, trying to go as slow as possible while looking like i was peddling quickly. my mind was racing looking for a way to stop him if we got really close to the truck. luckily, just as we were getting close, the truck turned the corner onto a more major road and sped off.

relieved, we turned back towards the mission leader's house. as we arrived, i made sure my companion was standing in front of me at the door. we knocked, and the mission leader opened the door with a bright smiling face. he was wearing a white shirt and tie, and was wearing my companion's name tag. 'welcome to mafikeng elder!'

gender equality

hello internet.

today i am going to talk about a controversial subject: gender equality. it can be a difficult topic to approach, so i am going to start with a great joke:

question: if a tree falls on a woman in the forest, does it make a sound?

response: what is she doing out of the kitchen?

i suppose the first person could tell the joke differently, and say: 'if a tree falls on a woman while she labors in her kitchen-in-the-forest, does it make a sound?' but that sounds far too wordy.

okay, enough silliness. maybe. the fact is, there is a lot of demand for women's rights out there nowadays. most of the demand, i would assume, comes from women. there are too few men advocating for women's rights, and that is totally uncool. i strongly believe that women are in most cases equal to men, and in nearly every other case superior to them. historically, (and currently) men haven't looked at women this way. throughout the years men have prescribed certain actions and behaviors for women, effectively putting up walls around them that limit them from reaching their full potential. women's rights has been a bigger issue on the political field during recent years, and most people would admit that there has been a lot of progress.

none of this is what i want to talk about.

though there has been progress made in the realm of gender equality, i would argue that not all of this 'progress' has been positive. though our society has been breaking down barriers and overcoming obstacles that have limited women for centuries, i believe that if we are not careful, this idea of gender equality could go too far. i am afraid that we may get so concerned with gender equality that we may forget some of the things that make women so much better than men.

in expressing this, i don't intend to demean any woman that has aspirations for excellence in the professional world. i just want to express my feelings that women do not need to be men to be happy. in breaking out from these barriers of limitations, women should not forget who they are or what they have historically done. just because women have historically been confined to childbearing and childrearing does not mean that a woman must now become a lawyer or a doctor to be successful. gender equality means that men and women are equal to choose a profession. in this discussion it should be realized that each gender has areas in which they excel above the abilities of the opposite gender. gender equality also means that men and women deserve (and should expect) mostly equal treatment (note that i say 'mostly'). let me touch upon both of these aspects of gender equality:

1) men and women should be able to choose a profession of their choice.

women and men should take careful consideration of the numerous circumstances surrounding their individual situation as they make career decisions. these changing circumstances may make it impossible to dictate or even suggest what would be right or wrong for a specific individual. here are some thoughts to consider in the meantime.

men and women are different. there are the obvious biological differences and the more subtle emotional and logical differences. these differences are important and beneficial. there may be exceptions, but the crying child doesn't go to mommy for no reason. the child goes to mom because mom is a great comforter. she loves and forgives and is patient with her child. this may have something to do with the fact that mom gave birth to the child, but that isn't the entire story. when science gets 'good' enough (advanced enough?) to allow men to carry a baby in pregnancy, it will not change the inherent differences in behavior and emotion between man and woman. this has great implications for career choices. society is made up of families who are made up of parents with children. the children of today form the society of tomorrow. very simple concepts. someone needs to teach the children, and the majority of the teaching should NOT be done at school, but in the home. so in making career and educational choices, a woman should consider her options carefully. a professional business path may be more appealing (and lucrative) than the option of being a mother. are they mutually exclusive? maybe, maybe not. are men and women equally capable of both? i would say no. both can be successful in business. both can have a measure of success with children, but whether you believe in God or no, the biological fact of womanhood (or maybe more specifically motherhood) involves the care and nurture of children. this should influence a woman's career decisions.

another quick comment. what is culturally seen as 'successful' or 'unsuccessful' should not be a major consideration in a woman's career choices. motherhood used to be the only option for women. now that there are other options, a woman should not leave behind motherhood as if it were somehow as outdated as societies' inequalities. whatever you choose to do, do it well. in this lies success.

2) men and women deserve mostly equal treatment

this is true. remember that women and men are not the same. sometimes we look at events or situations and say, 'ah hah! that was sexist--the man was somehow preferred.' but rarely (if ever) do we look at events from the opposite perspective to say, 'ah hah! that man held the door for that girl, but not for the man behind her! how sexist!' women tend to expect premium treatment from men, and i think that it should be given to them. whether or not they deserve it. women are not men, and do not need to be treated as men, but should be treated with more care and respect. this is sexist. it is also what most women prefer.

a brief story. in high school, i was in a class taught by an older gentleman. he was very good at what he did and everyone loved him. looking back, it was more of a college class format than any other high school class i had. this included occasional side conversations as the teacher lectured. on one occasion, this girl in the front row was continually talking. though the teacher was not angry, he did have to ask her to quiet down a few times during the class period. finally, at one point he interrupted his lecture, walked up to her and asked, "do you believe in equal treatment for men and women?" she responded, that yes, she did. he promptly slapped her in the face as he often did, playfully, to his male students. she didn't say a thing, though she was certainly surprised! i have often thought about that instance, not trying to judge whether it was 'right' or 'wrong,' but just to consider the expectations of women in regard to gender equality.

do women want equality or fairness? are they the same thing? are women already equal?

i would be interested in responses from both men and women.

in conclusion i would like to share with you this horribly politically incorrect demotivational poster. i hope it makes you smile.

with love,

jm

I.RONHIC

so i guess i would like to start this out by talking about the title: RONHIC. it is an acronym.

okay, moving on.

ROTD: there is a certain phrase that people use that kills me. and when i say 'kill,' i mean that i feel murdered when i hear it. there is no other phrase that could possibly be more offensive than this one. it usually comes about because a friend, classmate, or coworker does something nice for you and you thank them. however, instead of responding with a polite and sophisticated 'you're welcome,' they say something like this: 'it's the least i can do.'

oh the horror! the agony! the unfairness of this cold, bitter world!

'the least you can do?' wow, thanks for explaining it to me. you see, from my point of view, you did something of value for me. i was thankful! thankful enough to actually voice my gratitude. but the fact is, two people often see the same situation in different ways. so perhaps i should thank you once more. usually i do not get the pleasure of understanding how others see me, but this is informative. i can imagine exactly how this happened from your point of view:

< wow, he thanked me for trying to help him out. this morning as i ate my corn puffs i pondered, looking for some way to make him mad. i thought of all the things that i could do for him, including some that he is probably expecting me to do, and formed a mental list. eventually i decided to do the very least helpful thing possible. yes, despite all i am capable of, i settled for the thing that would require the very least effort, that would not require me to give of myself in any way. yet somehow i still got a 'thank you.' weird. or wait... maybe that was sarcasm. he was saying 'thank you' to show me that he noticed how little i did for him. perhaps i should respond by saying 'it's the least i can do.' >

perhaps in the future i will talk about the wisdom of installing what i call a BMSF. a BMSF can prevent us from saying stupid things that we will likely regret. a very useful device, i assure you.

that is all for now. until next time,

jm